Why Jiu Jitsu Might Be Exactly What Middle Age Men Need

GEN-X Business Owners Talk Jiu Jitsu

Today I sat down for lunch with someone I consider a prominent businessman. He’s got a few years on me, but we’re essentially in the same season of life—middle-aged, physically fit, and very aware that we don’t quite bounce like we used to.

This was our second lunch together. We met through a Christian business breakfast and were introduced almost by chance. Still, both of us sense there may be more at work than coincidence. We don’t yet know what that relationship is meant to produce, but we’re giving God the time and space to reveal it.

Over fajita’s at a local Mexican restaurant, the conversation eventually turned to my new Jiu Jitsu gym, Forged Jiu Jitsu.

He asked how the gym was going and what I was working on. I answered honestly. The hardest part isn’t the training or the teaching—it’s finding the right people. Reaching Gen X and older millennials who don’t love social media, don’t want to be sold to, and still carry a deep sense of independence. We’re a generation raised on the idea that if one man can do something, another man can figure it out too.

At the same time, we need people. We need community, even if we’re reluctant to admit it.

Forged BJJ is a community

My wife and I have an unwritten slogan for Forged: community disguised as a Jiu Jitsu gym. Because that’s what it really is.

That’s when the conversation surprised me. He started explaining how beneficial Jiu Jitsu is. He talked about the way it builds real fitness without beating your body down, how it sharpens discipline and mental toughness, and how it creates confidence that isn’t loud or performative. He spoke about awareness, humility, and learning to stay calm under pressure. He was genuinely excited.

I joked, “Well shoot, I don’t need to sell you. When should we schedule your first class?” He laughed, but I could feel the hesitation underneath it.

When I asked what was holding him back, he didn’t sugarcoat it. He worried about getting older. About getting hurt. About ego getting involved and things going sideways. About hurting someone else or being hurt himself. At its core, it was the same concern I hear from a lot of men and women our age: Is this worth the risk?

That’s where Jiu Jitsu gets misunderstood.

Done right, Jiu Jitsu doesn’t inflate ego—it crushes it. It teaches you exactly where you stand, and then gives you a path forward. In our gym, most of us are middle-aged. We’re not trying to prove anything. We’re trying to improve. There’s a clear respect between those who have experience and those who want to learn. Nobody is trying to win the room. We’re hobbyists who enjoy getting in shape, learning a skill, and growing together.

Growth is required in this life, especially in middle age.

We need places where we can go and be challenged physically and mentally. We need friendships that aren’t transactional. We need time away from work, responsibility, and even family—not because we want to escape them, but because doing so allows us to show up better when we’re home.

Jiu Jitsu gives us a place to exert ourselves, to struggle, to engage in something hard and real. It lets us channel aggression and intensity in a controlled, healthy way. I can’t count the number of times my wife has looked at me on a rough day and said, “You need to go work out,” or “You need some mat time.” She’s right. Jiu Jitsu keeps me grounded. It wears me out in the best way and keeps my mental health in check.

Jiu Jitsu confidence - Strength under control

Dr. Jordan Peterson once wrote, “A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has it under voluntary control.” That idea resonates deeply with me, and it aligns with the biblical understanding of meekness.

In Scripture, meekness isn’t weakness. It’s strength under control. Power restrained. It’s the image of a trained stallion—its strength hasn’t disappeared, it’s simply been harnessed. Jiu Jitsu teaches that same lesson. You learn what you’re capable of, and you learn when not to use it.

This is something we desperately need to remember and pass on. To our sons, so they understand that masculinity doesn’t mean recklessness. To our daughters, so they see strength paired with humility as something good and trustworthy.

I don’t know if I made a sale today. But I walked away from that lunch grateful. Grateful for the conversation, for the depth, and for the reminder of why Forged exists in the first place. The doors haven’t been rushed the way I once expected, but I believe God is drawing the right people—and that matters far more than fast growth.

If any of this resonates with you—if you’re feeling the pull for something more than another workout, if you’re looking for strength, discipline, community, and a place to grow—then I’d invite you to come try a class at Forged Jiu Jitsu. No pressure. No ego. Just good people, doing hard things together.

Sometimes the next step isn’t something you figure out alone. Sometimes it’s something you step onto the mat and discover.